With this being a holiday week, I thought we’d do something lighter in the blog. John Hammond of AST Equity Plan Solutions and Poet Laureate of the NASPP blog has provided another poem on a very timely topic.
My Year-End, Year-End Affair By John Hammond
Oh, joy! Oh, rapture! It is here The time that comes just once a year When carolers sing with great delight And children dream all through the night Of presents and candy and snow of white
The Holidays, most think, must please him so They see my smile, but cannot know It is year-end…my stock plan year-end A deeply close and personal friend Though forced to mock and condescend
It shatters me to put on a ruse The scorn of others you did not choose But we have become close, too close they’d say If I’d show my affection in any way I fear they may take you away
We’ve had this dance six times before The first time I stumbled ’round the floor Now Fred and Ginger – a grander scale You in your gown, my tux and tails True perfection in every detail
It is that perfection you reveal in me That aroused the affections I have for thee No other task even close compares To my year-end, year-end affair Surely you know our love is rare
And because of that, please shed no tears But this will be our last – this year I must move on and leave you now Something I cannot conceive of how But another year, they’ll not allow
It’s last year’s dance that did impress Me in my tux, you in your dress The perfection we showed, your effortless grace And now some child will take my place This year will mark our last embrace
Moving up, I should be pleased My human bride I have appeased But leaving you with another man Who may not love or understand The way I do, of you, year-end Is something that I cannot stand
So as we go through day and night I must arrange to make things right It was us that was meant to be Not you and this child, my stock trainee You shall be mine for eternity
So came the night of our last good-bye And when you gazed up in my eyes I knew was time to make my move The fiery passion within me grew And grasping your throat…you knew it, too
And when was done…I kissed your face Still holding you in a warm embrace This…perfection to the last detail And for eternity they’ll tell our tale You in your gown, my tux and tails
Happy Holidays! Rachel and I are taking the rest of the week off from blogging. I hope you are enjoying your holidays and we’ll see you in the new year!
– Barbara
P.S.–Don’t forget to renew your NASPP membership by December 31 or you’ll miss your chance to qualify for the free audio of an NASPP Conference session.
With this being the week after a holiday (and, for many, the first day back after a long weekend), I thought something a little lighter might be in order for the blog. So today I feature another entry from John Hammond of AST Equity Plan Solutions and poet laureate of the NASPP blog.
The Email By John Hammond
The email hit my inbox and I wept a tiny tear The email that I knew would come had confirmed my greatest fears The age of innocence long forgot – the days were simpler then Back when I set foot in this place in 1997.
I was a stock vet of two years plus, hired on the spot Seemed like a great deal at the time with the options that I got The stock went nuts at first, but you know how it ends I stuck it out when times got tough, me and several friends
When I started, I cleaned up shop–of the basics they were remiss My stock plan shelves are sure to have a bobble-headed Elvis And next to Elvis on that shelf in a spot almost as great Is my stock plan procedure manual, a beacon strong and straight
And this manual has been wonderful, it helped through thick and thin The three splits in two years were huge–the one stock swap that I did It’s been exterminator–desk de-wobbler–I am so glad I penned it A procedure manual’s a wonderful thing, I highly recommend it
Back to the beginning of my poem–that email that made me cry Was from a woman in IA who’d like to watch me die We have a history outside of work, a few years back we dated Who knew a break up over fax would be so ill-fated
The email started innocent–“Hello John, How are you?” But the subject line had told it all: “Procedural Review” She knew I ran a loose ship, but she never seemed to catch me And she’s tried a lot since getting the “it’s not you…it’s me” facsimile
In the past, IA looked at transactions and events My captive broker dollars had been wonderfully spent I showed them a SAS-70, though I know they never read it I made that mistake a few years back and thoroughly regret it
She copied nine people on the email–of sarcasm I am a fan (That’s how many people saw that fax before it hit her hands) Of course she knew I’d get the jab–she even went one better She wrote, “I really respect what you do”–a sentence from my letter
So each procedure she’ll review controls on how we do stuff “The scandals have brought a greater need–no measure seems enough” She’s been studying for a while to find my Achilles heel She figured out procedures and I think my fate is sealed
See, that manual that I use so much…I am exaggerating It was desk de-wobbler for 18 months, if I’m not mistaken So she has me where she wants me–internal audit heaven I must confess the last time they were changed was ’97
My excuses for not updating is like it is for many We changed the way we did things just far too frequently It always seemed best to wait until projects had finished But then I’d start a bigger one and its importance would diminish
We’ve had 14 acquisitions, and sold five units in that time We’ve had two broker changes and those projects were all mine I’m making no excuses, you all know how I feel It’s just my procedures have never been a very squeaky wheel
So the chess game has begun, but she already has my queen The bishops, rooks and pawns and that little horsy thing The meeting is in two days–checkmate’s what it’s about Just trying to come up with any way… that I could ask her out.
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NASPP “To Do” List We have so much going on here at the NASPP that it can be hard to keep track of it all, so I keep an ongoing “to do” list for you here in my blog.
Since it’s a holiday week, I thought I’d do something a little lighter with the blog. Today I’m featuring a poem by John Hammond of Computershare (and poet laureate of the NASPP blog).
There won’t be a blog on Thursday, since it’s Thanksgiving and I hope you all will be spending time with your friends and families, giving thanks, doing whatever you do to celebrate national holidays, and not reading blogs about stock compensation.
Anapestic Ballad for 83(b) By John Hammond
“We don’t allow the use of 83(b)” You don’t? No, we don’t But how can that be? It’s tax code my friend, it’s a natural thing It’s the essence of harmony – it’s the I Ching Messing with tax? It’s like building a dam to steal all the water – then flooding your land The consequences are never as you intended Just wait ’til it’s the CEO you’ve offended And what would you do if a person – just one You the tax police now with your little tax gun? And he blinked his eyes slowly with a slight roll toward the back To begin his retort of my little attack It’s all in our plan… it’s as we intended To change it would require it to be amended… I certainly won’t argue what’s in your plans Your plans are your plans and that’s just how it stands But I am curious to know all the whys and the whats More than one plan design has been done by a yutz We don’t believe in them You don’t believe? It ain’t Santa Claus and this ain’t Christmas Eve The 83(b) has been a wonderful code For those who have used it – sure, you have to be bold My favorite use was with AMT When companies use to grant ISOs… before one twenty three It took an early exercise on repurchaseable shares And the AMT gods had to sit back and stare and say “Well done!” Well Done!? Perfect, I say! I have accelerated nothing, so nothing I’ll pay There has to be more…more than “I don’t believe” To abolish the code of 83(b) Our vendor can’t handle the process today We would track offline ’til systems were changed It’s not worth the risk or the mess or the fuss To handle the manual process of this stuff Have you considered RSUs an alternative way Versus saying you don’t and walking away With an RSU you could say, “we would, but cannot There is no transfer ‘cos property it’s not” It may just be diction… but diction’s a lot We’ll consider your advice when we make our next plan But it won’t change the past and it won’t change those grants Which at our burn rate, will be 2010 And I left my friend and I went on my way And thought of the thoughts we had thought of that day And I didn’t like it as friend or as foe Or as tax code groupie – I’m weird… yeah, I know In his shoes, I would have hoped I’d stood strong ‘Cos messin’ with tax code is really just wrong.
If you weren’t able to attend the NASPP Conference–or if you attended but weren’t able to get to all the sessions you were interested in–the recorded Conference audio is now available. You can purchase just the session(s) you are interested in, save by purchasing a five-session package, or save even more by purchasing the audio for the entire Conference. Purchase the audio today!
Conference attendees can access the full Conference materials, including any last-minute updates, as well as the audio for the 6th Annual Executive Compensation Conference at the NASPP Conference Materials Website.
NASPP Quick Survey on Tax Reporting and Collection Procedures
NASPP “To Do” List We have so much going on here at the NASPP that it can be hard to keep track of it all, so I keep an ongoing “to do” list for you here in my blog.
Register to attend local chapter meetings next Tuesday, Dec 1: Boston is hosting a meeting and the LA and San Fernando Valley chapters are hosting a joint meeting. Robyn Shutak, Education Director for the NASPP, will be presenting at the LA/San Fernando Valley meeting; be sure to stop by and say hello!